Are You A Great Leader? Ask Yourself This One Question

Between the two of us, we have coached hundreds, taught tens of thousands, and done research with innumerable leaders to determine what makes an effective leader. This work has resulted in dozens of books, hundreds of podcasts and posts, and countless presentations. While we enjoy the complexity of becoming a more effective leader, we savor the simplicity of helping leaders improve in their daily actions.

When asked, “What is the most basic assessment to determine an effective leader?” we do not turn to 360s, research, or frameworks. We ask a simple question:

How often does someone leave an interaction with this leader feeling better (or worse) about themselves?

This elementary question focuses leadership on personal relationships, value defined by the receiver more than the leader, and the positive effect leaders have on others.

When we share this question with leaders, they often point out that when the context of the interaction is good news, helping others feel better about themselves is relatively easy. But when the leader shares difficult news, focusing on helping others feel better about themselves becomes a true signal of effective leadership.

Let us offer seven specific tips for leaders to enable them to help others feel better about an interaction and about themselves.

Related: The Science of Your Inner Circle

Seven Practical Ways Leaders Can Uplift Every Interaction

1. Express sincere care. When people feel that a leader cares about them, they are more willing to respond to positive or difficult feedback. Simple communication or saying, “I care about you,” begins a positive conversation.

2. Envision a future. Leaders can help others see that their good or improved performance can help them create a better future for themselves and others. Everyone has something to offer others in the future, which may be reinforced by saying something such as: ”You have opportunities to make a positive impact for yourself and others.”

3. Assume positive intent. Leaders should believe that most people come to work wanting to do a good job but inevitably make mistakes (late to meetings, miss deadlines, subpar work, and so forth). Instead of focusing on the mistakes, leaders can redirect their attention to deciphering the reasons for the mistakes (personal distractions, unclear directions, poor teamwork, and so on). By assuming positive intent (coupled with a little patience), a leader’s attitude shifts from blame (negative intent) to problem solving, improving, and teaching.

4. Practice the three doors of Buddha. When leaders engage others, Buddha suggests that their words pass through three doors:

• Is it true?
• Is it necessary?
• Is it kind?

Speaking truth avoids politics, rumor, and gossip. The great disinfectant of misinformation is the truth. It shall set you free! Being necessary filters what information to share. Chester’s father often said that the fact that a newborn baby may not be the most attractive, but you don’t need to share that with the proud parents. Discretion is the better part of valor. Showing kindness costs nothing and builds relationships. Kindness doesn’t mean sweeping things under the rug or not demanding that people do excellent work. Quite the opposite: holding people accountable and to a higher standard is also a form of kindness. Letting poor work slide is not being kind to the people we lead.

5. Listen until the other person feels understood. A leader Dave coached said he listened “just fine” because he understood what the other person was saying. Dave reminded him that the purpose of listening is not for the leader to understand but for the other person to feel understood, which may require more attention. Leaders should ask others what they think about how to solve problems and listen to their suggestions. A recent Gallup study showed that employees who have a manager who’s willing to listen to work-related problems are 62 percent less likely to burn out.

6. Be more positive than negative. John Gottman, renowned marriage thought leader, found that a positive to negative ratio of five positive comments to every one negative comment predicted with over 90 percent accuracy if a couple would stay together. In the business world, divorce is measured in turnover. Leaders who consciously affirm more than criticize will have a positive relationship with those they lead.

7. Express gratitude. I (Chester here) have been called the Guru of Gratitude, so let’s review my tips for expressing gratitude in leader interactions:

1. Do it now. Primacy and recency. The closer the gratitude is to the behavior in time, the more likely the behavior will be repeated. This means that leaders’ positive interactions are not just in annual reviews, monthly goal setting, or weekly catch-up meetings, but more frequently in hourly and daily conversations.
2. Do it often. Many leaders believe that too much praise can lead to big heads and false confidence and that it can lose its meaning and value. Wrong. Not many people go home at the end of the day and say they couldn’t get anything done because they received too much praise and recognition. Research shows that the vast majority of people feel undervalued at work. If leaders think they are giving too much gratitude, then the frequency is probably about right.
3. Specificity. General praise has little to no impact. Gratitude loses its meaning is when it is too vague. Specificity is powerful and gives people a road map to excellence.
4. Sincerity. People can sense when gratitude expressed is hollow. When you recognize for actions and values that you truly appreciate as a leader, sincerity comes through.
5. Simplicity. Gratitude does not have to always be a grand gesture accompanied by a ceremony. Simple comments and encouragement go a long way. Verbal praise, positive texts, DMs, or even handwritten notes (while old school) are tremendous.

The art of leading by inspiring others matters more today than ever. With this simple signal of focusing on others leaving an interaction feeling better about themselves, leaders increase their impact. Please share any other suggestions you might have.

We hope you leave this post feeling better about yourself and your ability to lead others!

This article was firstly published on Chester Elton's LinkedIn.

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