Learn the Simple Secret to a Meaningful Life

It's not about you.

Tom Rath reminds us, "Life is not about you. It’s about what you do for others. Start asking what the world around you needs today. I know from my own experience that you may not have tomorrow to do what matters most. Tomorrow turns into the next day, but you always have today. Every morning, wake up and remind yourself: it’s not about me. Then ask yourself: How can I contribute to another person’s life today?”

Have you noticed? Some people walk into a room and it's, "Here I am." Others? It's, "Ah, there you are."

William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli were contending for the office of prime minister of the U.K. Jennie Jerome, the mother of Winston Churchill, had dinner with both men a week before the election. She was asked by a journalist about her impressions. Her reply is telling, "When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest person in England. And when I sat next to Mr. Disraeli, I left feeling that I WAS the cleverest person in England. Benjamin won the election.

It's not always easy to focus on others. Our brains tend to habitually think about our own preferences and wants. It takes work, and a deliberate act of will to step out of our own minds and into the minds of others. Learning to see the world through the eyes of others is key.

Here's an easy place to start: Stop apologizing and start thanking. Use words that make it about them.

More like this: No Neuroscientist Ever Topped This Advice from Mom

"I'm sorry I'm always late." becomes “Thank you for waiting for me.”

"I'm sorry for snapping." > "Thank you for accepting me when I'm having a bad day."

"I'm sorry I messed up." > "Thanks for being patient with me when I make a mistake."

"I'm sorry you have to help me so much." > "Thank you for doing me a favour. I really appreciate it."

"I'm sorry for talking so much." > "Thank you for listening to me when I go on ......"

"I'm sorry this is taking so long." > "Thanks for your patience while this works, it's way through the system."

Small change, big difference. Words can change the brain.

Musician Nick Cave has this to say on the power of small actions: "The everyday human gesture is always a heartbeat away from the miraculous. Remember that ultimately we make things happen through our actions, way beyond our understanding or intention; that our seemingly small ordinary human acts have untold consequences; that what we do in this world means something; that we are not nothing; and that our most quotidian actions by their nature burst the seams of our intent and spill meaningfully and radically through time and space, changing everything."

The simple secret of a meaningful life? It's about others.

A meaningful life is not found by looking within. Look beyond yourself and discover the value of others.

I've noticed that I'm happiest when I am helping others. In the end, we can get everything we want in life if we just help enough other people get what they want.

Thank you for reading. You are a genius!

This article was first published in Terry Small's Brain Bulletin newsletter.