5 Situations When You Should Keep Quiet

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Leaderonomics

24-08-2018

3 min read

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“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

 – Ernest Hemingway

Photo credit: Pixabay

1. It could lead you to engage with someone whose only goal is to start a conflict

When someone baits you into a verbal duel that cannot be won, its probably because it affords them some type of gratification of acting out their argumentative predilections.

If you get into the ring, its virtually guaranteed that a TKO will ensue that is, stooping to their level is already a defeat.

As Mark Twain had said: Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

If someone has already prodded you into responding to them, and is pushing for a second round, its wise to cut your losses and call it quits, recognising that theyre only goading you to partake in an ongoing exercise in futilityor foolishness.

Such tactics are best ignored, especially if theyre only indulging in mudslinging to feed illusions of being stronger or superior to others.

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” 
Epictetus

 

2. It would make you seem defensive or closed-minded 

If someone is offering you constructive criticism, it may be important to put your ego

aside and conscientiously evaluate the legitimacy of their viewpoint. In such cases, its much better to remain silent, listen attentively, and only then give a response (if at all).

Whether in the end, you agree with their unfavourable appraisal or not, its still in your best interest to open-mindedly assess its validity.

For while you may be reluctant to hear it, what they have to say might still potentially be beneficial.

If you cant resist the immediate impulse to defend yourself, you may miss out on a valuable opportunity to learn something important about yourself.

“A closed mouth catches no flies.”
Miguel de Cervantes

3. It would only further intensify someones anger 

When someone is far too fired up to listen rationally to anything you might say, its worse than useless to respond to them.

Any response will probably be premature and serve only to make matters worse because its likely to be experienced as an interruption, as though youre not really listening or taking the person seriously.

In such casesif theres to be any hope of ultimately resolving the situationits essential to devote all your attention to hearing someone out and giving them every chance to fully air their grievances.

Only then might they be open to hearing your contrasting viewpoint, or interpretation.

“One’s eyes are what one is, one’s mouth is what one becomes.”
John Galsworthy

READ: Silence (In the Conference Room) Is Deadly

 

4. It would only intensify your own anger 

Following your impulse to attack a person who just upset you is only likely to exacerbate things.

Emotions are best kept at moderate levels.

When they start to become really pronounced, your better judgment may be seriously compromised and you can react in ways youll later regret.

Better to hold your tongue and do whatever you can to remove yourself from that situation. Remember, never make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings

“Two monologues do not make a dialogue.”
 Jeff Daly

 

5. It would likely offend someone 

without having any realistic possibility either of resolving the situation or improving the relationship.

If you truly care about the other individual, then there is no good reason to put them on the defense especially a coworker or loved one.

If you believe that this would fall under ‘feedback’, then I would have you ask yourself:

What am I looking to communicate about this persons performance and how can I construct this feedback based on their tasks/skills and not emotions or personality?

The reality is that everyone is different and some people are kind, loyal, and supportive, but also quick to take offense and highly reactive to criticism.

Other peoples rigidity makes it virtually impossible for them to appreciate a differing viewpoint.

If an individual says or does something that bothers you, its generally best to overlook it, and find a way to resolve your immediate frustrations with them rather than confronting them directly.

“It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”
Mark Twain

 

Joshua Miller is an Amazon best-selling author of the book I CALL BULLSHIT: Live Your Life, Not Someone Elses, executive coach and TEDx speaker. He is a leadership development expert with more than 15 yearsexperience in the creation, training and facilitation of learning platforms while working and influencing cross-functional teams in ever-changing fast paced environments. To get in touch with him, send an email to editor@leaderonomics.com.

Reposted with permission.

Prefer an e-mag reading experience? No problem! This article is also available in our 25 August 2018 digital issue, which you can access here.

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