Secure Bases: Why Leadership Begins with a Safe Place to Fall

In today’s volatile and uncertain world, effective leadership extends beyond achieving goals or hitting milestones. It lies in the ability to ground oneself amidst chaos, align purpose with action, and build resilience against adversity. My leadership journey, as I now come to realise, has indeed been shaped by the concept of secure bases, a principle articulated by George Kohlrieser’s Hostage at the Table (2006), which has served as a guiding compass through both professional and personal challenges.

Secure bases are not theoretical constructs; they are the relationships, environments, and internal mindsets that provide protection, comfort, and inspiration. They empower individuals to take risks, grow from challenges, and chart new paths. This article explores, from my personal journey, the role of secure bases in leadership progression, lessons from failed mentorships, the challenges of navigating adversity, and reflections on how these experiences have shaped leadership strategies.

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What are Secure Bases?

Defining Secure Bases

The concept of secure bases, as described by Kohlrieser (2006), refers to the relationships, frameworks, or environments that offer a balance of safety and challenge. These secure bases provide individuals with the confidence to confront uncertainty and explore new opportunities, while simultaneously offering support during moments of failure or setback. Secure bases can take many forms, including mentors, colleagues, family members, or even self-driven purpose.

Throughout leadership progression, secure bases played a critical role in shaping growth and resilience. For example, during the Asian Financial Crisis in 1997/1998, founding a secure base within personal resilience unknowingly was part of the personal leadership journey. Despite significant financial challenges as a student at Oxford Brookes University, perseverance against adversity earned top-of-the-class honours and a certificate recognizing this achievement. This secure base—rooted in intrinsic strength—enabled the development of leadership skills and qualities to succeed and move forward.

Secure Bases in Leadership

Secure bases are essential not only for personal growth but also as a cornerstone of effective leadership. Leaders serve as secure bases for their teams by fostering trust, providing support, and encouraging growth. This principle has shaped my leadership journey, influencing how I engage with clients, evaluate partnerships, and build meaningful relationships, as summarised in Table 1.
 

Table 1 – My Mentors and Secure Bases

Lessons From Failed Mentorships

While secure bases provided critical support, not all mentorships yielded positive outcomes. While mentorships can be powerful catalysts for growth, not all experiences are positive. Failed mentorships, often marked by “false mentors”, can lead to significant setbacks, both financially and emotionally. These mentors may initially appear credible, yet they prioritize their interests over genuine guidance, undermining one’s trust and growth. 

Although disheartening, these experiences became valuable lessons in discernment and resilience. They emphasized the need to align partnerships with shared values and integrity, reinforcing the importance of trust in leadership. Such experiences underscored the importance of discernment, resilience, and aligning partnerships with shared values and integrity. Table 2 is a reflection of “false mentors”.

Table 2 – My False Mentor and Secure Bases

Reflecting upon the years where failures led to one making oneself a hostage, a lesson learnt is the ability to cultivate discernment, i.e. the ability to differentiate between true mentors and those who do not have their best interests at heart. This discernment is essential for leaders who need to have "CARE" embedded in their DNA, reflecting their commitment to clients, team members, and the overall organizational processes. To foster this discernment, leaders should align their value systems with integrity, trust, empathy, and empowerment. Strength in leadership is rooted in emotional intelligence and the ability to create secure bases for themselves and to those they lead.

So, what does it mean to have “CARE” embedded in your DNA? From personal experiences, it means that a leader needs to align their value systems with integrity, trust, empathy, and empowerment. Here are some key lessons learned from navigating false mentorships:

1. Recognize Warning Signs: True mentors demonstrate integrity and alignment with your values, while false mentors often exhibit self-serving behaviors and lack transparency.
2. Reflect on Past Experiences: Analyze previous mentorships to identify patterns of behavior that fostered trust versus those that led to setbacks. This reflection helps in understanding what qualities to seek in future mentors.
3. Seek Feedback: Engage trusted colleagues or advisors to gain objective perspectives about potential mentors. Their insights can highlight red flags that may not be immediately apparent.
4. Trust Your Instincts: If something feels misaligned in a relationship, take the time to reassess. Listening to your intuition is a vital part of discerning true mentorship.
5. Observe Consistency: Evaluate a mentor’s actions and words over time. Authentic mentors maintain consistency, which builds trust and credibility.

By embedding “CARE” into their leadership approach, leaders can better navigate the complexities of mentorship relationships. Table 3 below summarises the qualities of effective mentors versus false mentors. In summary, the journey through failed mentorships can be transformative, providing essential lessons in discernment and care. By prioritizing these values, leaders can ensure they create secure bases for themselves and those they lead, fostering an environment that promotes authentic growth and success.

Table 3: Comparing Effective Mentors and False Mentors.

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Leadership Progression: A Lifelong Journey

Building Self-Leadership

Leadership begins with self-awareness and self-discipline. Early in life, leadership development was marked by a commitment to personal accountability and this started with being accountable to personal and professional decisions taken from an early age. Being able to make decisions is important, however, being accountable to those decisions was a key trait and quality of Self-Leadership. These foundational qualities provided the basis for future growth and the ability to rise to increasingly complex challenges.

Leading Teams and Business Units

The transition from self-leadership to leading others started with managing small teams. Early career opportunities involved overseeing groups of 5 to 7 individuals, where trust-building, effective communication, and empathy became essential skills. These experiences laid the groundwork for creating environments where team members felt supported and challenged simultaneously.

Over time, leadership responsibilities expanded to managing a boutique consultancy. Leading a team of 15 employees required balancing strategic decision-making with operational oversight, navigating both internal and external complexities, and fostering a culture of collaboration and innovation.

Organizational Leadership

The pinnacle of leadership progression involved taking on the role of Managing Director for an organization with 400 employees in Malaysia. This position demanded mastery in shaping organizational culture, aligning stakeholders with a common vision, and addressing market dynamics especially during the turbulent times of Covid-19. It was during this phase that as a leader, principles of trust, purpose, and resilience were tested and refined on a larger scale.

The Valley of Despair: Overcoming Adversity, Growing and Performing

One of the most challenging periods in this leadership journey was navigating the "valley of despair," a concept closely tied to the Kübler-Ross model of grief (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005). This model outlines the stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, describing the emotional process individuals would undergo when faced with significant loss and adversity at the same time.

The "valley of despair" manifested during a time of severe financial and emotional fallout caused by failed mentorships and personal setbacks. The need to shut down businesses added to the gravity of this period, leading to an extended phase of denial and frustration. However, the eventual transition to acceptance marked a turning point. With the encouragement and support of business partners—who acted as temporary secure bases—confidence and direction were restored.

This experience not only reinforced the importance of resilience but also highlighted the critical role of secure bases during times of crisis. It underscored the value of perseverance and adaptability, qualities that have since become integral to leadership philosophy. Knowing your own valley of despair and when it occurs in your own development journey can help an individual with their own turning point, when one learns to accept failure and embrace the lessons it offers.

Personal Anecdote: Embracing Failure and Duty

During my time in the Valley of Despair, I realized that my fear of failure was paralyzing me. It wasn't until I accepted that failure was a part of my journey that I could begin to grow. I adopted a growth mindset, allowing myself to see each setback as a lesson rather than a defeat. By accepting my failures, I felt a renewed sense of responsibility—not just to myself but to those who relied on me. I recognized that my growth would not only benefit me but also inspire others to overcome their challenges. This sense of duty became a guiding force, pushing me to embrace learning and resilience.

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The Turning Point: Acceptance and Growth Mindset

At the heart of overcoming the Valley of Despair is the acceptance of failure—not as a definitive end but as a vital part of the learning process. Embracing failure allows individuals to shift their perspective from one of defeat to one of opportunity. This transition fosters a growth mindset, which is essential for resilience and long-term success. Key Elements of This Turning Point are:

1. Acceptance of Failure: Acknowledging that failure is not a reflection of one's worth but rather a stepping stone toward growth is crucial. It is through these experiences that individuals can gain valuable insights.
2. Learning from Setbacks: Each setback provides lessons that can inform future decisions. By reflecting on what went wrong and how it can be improved, individuals can turn negative experiences into constructive opportunities.
3. Adopting a Forward-Looking Perspective: Maintaining an open and forward-looking mindset helps in envisioning possibilities beyond current challenges. This positive outlook encourages proactive steps toward improvement.
4. Connection to Duty: This growth mindset ties closely to a sense of duty—not only to oneself but also to others. Understanding that personal growth can have a ripple effect on those around you can motivate individuals to strive for betterment.

By accepting failure and reframing setbacks, individuals build psychological resilience. This resilience enables them to navigate future challenges with confidence, transforming the Valley of Despair into a foundation for growth. The sense of duty and responsibility further reinforces this journey, creating a cycle of continuous improvement and empowerment.

Mentoring the Next Generation

A defining moment in my recent career occurred during a digital transformation project with a Malaysian company specializing in renewable energy solutions. This project was particularly significant as my son interned with the team, contributing to the initiative with enthusiasm and curiosity. Watching him immerse himself in the work not only filled me with pride but also underscored the vital role of mentoring the next generation.

Mentoring fosters opportunities for growth, allowing young professionals to gain hands-on experience in real-world problem-solving. By nurturing their curiosity and encouraging exploration, leaders play an important role to cultivate a culture of learning that is essential for the development of the next generation. This experience also highlighted the ripple effect of my leadership journey; my actions and principles can inspire young talents to embrace similar values and pursue their own leadership journeys.

Ultimately, mentoring is about a leader creating a legacy of learning. It shapes future leaders who approach challenges with confidence and creativity, ensuring that the values of curiosity, resilience, and responsibility are passed down.

Secure Bases in Client Relationships

In today’s fast-paced business landscape, the concept of secure bases is crucial for effective client relationships. As an independent consultant working with CEOs and C-suite executives, I focus on building partnerships grounded in trust, mutual respect, and shared purpose. Establishing a secure base creates an environment where clients feel safe to voice their concerns and ambitions.

Trust is the cornerstone of collaboration, enabling leaders to navigate uncertainty and embrace challenges without fear. By fostering open dialogue, encouraging clients to share their visions and explore innovative solutions, it not only enhances commitment, it strengthens the partnership and establishes a strong bond between a mentor and mentee.

In times of uncertainty, my role is to provide guidance and support, helping clients view challenges as opportunities for growth. This collaborative approach not only leads to transformative results but also inspires leaders to cultivate similar qualities within their own teams, perpetuating a cycle of effective leadership.

Leadership as a Journey of Purpose and Resilience

Leadership is a continuous journey of growth, resilience, and purpose. The concept of secure bases, as articulated by Kohlrieser (2006), provides a powerful framework for navigating the complexities of both personal and professional life. For aspiring and current leaders, several key principles emerge:

• Identify Secure Bases: Recognize the people, environments, or internal mindsets that offer support and inspiration. Use these as a foundation to embrace challenges and drive growth.
• Embrace Adversity: Difficulties and setbacks are inevitable, but they are also opportunities for growth. The Kübler-Ross model (Kübler-Ross & Kessler, 2005) illustrates how acceptance can transform grief into resilience.
• Lead With Integrity: Align actions with values and purpose. Leadership is not just about achieving objectives; it is about creating meaningful impact for others.
• Be a Secure Base for Others: Inspire, protect, and challenge teams by fostering trust and purpose. Leaders who act as secure bases enable others to thrive and grow.

As highlighted by George Kohlrieser, secure bases are not just sources of comfort but also catalysts for growth. They empower individuals to take risks, navigate uncertainty, and align their actions with purpose and values. By illustrating these ideas through personal experiences—from early leadership challenges to mentoring the next generation—we not only give depth to these principles but also inspire others navigating their own leadership paths.

Ultimately, leadership is not defined by titles or accolades but by the ability to inspire and guide others while remaining grounded in purpose. By identifying and nurturing secure bases, leaders can navigate the complexities of leadership with confidence and resilience. Moreover, by acting as secure bases for others, leaders create a ripple effect that fosters growth and inspires future generations to embrace their own leadership journeys.

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