“You don’t love me,” comes from a heart that wants to be loved, but isn’t.
“I love you” signals beginnings; “You don’t love me”, endings. Love’s ending begins with thoughts like:
- You put someone else ahead of me.
- You don’t think of me and my wants.
- You don’t have my best interests at heart.
- You aren’t thinking of how you make me feel.
- You give your best to others.
You learn a lot about love by how it dies.
Organisations, leaders, and love:
Everyone wants to love and be loved, especially organisations and leaders. Organisations feel love when employees call home to say, “I’ll be late.” Sadly, some leaders are like immature two-year-olds living in a “gimme gimme” world.
Longing for love is healthy as long as those who are able, long to return it. One-way-love with someone who is unable to return love is abuse. That goes double for leaders and organisations. News flash! Pay cheques aren’t love. Love is expressed in what’s given beyond what’s earned. Earning love destroys it.
Learning how to love:
We teach others to love by loving them. Organisations and leaders teach employees to love by loving them first. Love is the dance of compassionate generosity. I’m not talking bonuses, although that helps. I’m talking about putting them first. Letting them know their value. Sending them home to their families on time.
It’s a leader’s job to start the dance and watch for response. If you don’t model the way, you are in the way. Admittedly, not everyone can respond. One thing is certain. The moment we know someone is in it only for themselves, the dance ends, manipulation begins, love dies.
Don’t you long to belong to a loving organisation?
Dan Rockwell is a coach, speaker and is freakishly interested in leadership. He is an author of a world-renowned most socially shared leadership blog, Leadership Freak. Not sure when to bring it up or when to let go, write to us at firstname.lastname@example.org.