Why Big Conversations Matter And How To Lead Them

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28-06-2016

3 min read

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One of the success conditions for major positive change to happen in any organisation or individuals is for everyone involved to face the truth, take an honest assessment of where they are right now.

To do that, it’s crucial to have honest conversations where everyone takes stock of their current reality before moving forward. It’s not easy. They’re often very uncomfortable. But big conversations matter.

Big what?

A big conversation is a conversation when stakes are high, emotions run strong, and opinions differed. Breakthroughs and big transformations hinge on such conversations.

Big conversations

Leaders can play an active role to facilitate these big conversations, both on individual and group settings. But here’s the tricky part.

Leaders may become cautious to avoid honest, straight talk in order to avoid the conversation to turn unpleasant and the people involved get defensive.

The reason why we may be susceptible to avoiding big conversations is that we have been conditioned to converse in ways rooted in certain social or/and cultural virtues.

From where I come from (Asia), we value virtues like respect (especially to the elderly and those being in authority), being nice, minding our own business, not upsetting people and keep the status quo.

Why big conversations matter

The lack of courage to discuss the “undiscussable” often impede the progress of most teams to reach where they have not been before.

They get stuck in a never-ending cycle of mediocrity and false improvements. No breakthrough there.

It’s common for organisations to put up defensive routines and make potentially embarrassing and threatening feedback that is needed for growth and learning “undiscussable”.

If you as a leader don’t change the way you facilitate team communication, you become an accomplice to the organisation’s or individual’s defensive routines.

This applies not just to big organisations but small teams of any kind, including families.

Leading big conversations in 7 steps

Big conversations

How can you make it safe for big conversations to happen, so that people are willing to discuss the “undiscussable”?

1. Common end goal

Set the tone. Let it be known that this conversation needs to happen as stakes are high. Focus on the common end objective that everyone is striving for. Get very clear on the purpose, intentions and goals. Discuss the “whats” and more importantly, the “whys”.

2. Grant permission

This is the basic ground rules. Create a safe forum that allows people to speak the truth, making it known that no one needs to be offensive or defensive about anything.
Let it be okay for everyone to be their real self.

3. Take ownership

Make sure that everyone involved in the conversation have something personally at stake in the goal.
Everyone has to take responsibility for what he/she says.

4. Don’t pretend

Let people say things as they really are. Don’t pretend things are fine when they really aren’t. Don’t smoothen any rough edges (not yet!) as they are useful information to deal with the challenges.

5. Bigger picture

This is an invitation for everyone to play a bigger game and see the greater cause, the bigger picture. Context matters.
It’s not just about you or me.

6. Discuss the ‘hows’

Don’t just state the “whats” and the “whys”, but discuss the “hows” – specifically how the team thinks and interacts.Throw out some thought-provoking questions. Gather divergent views and perspectives to build a shared understanding and new workable model to move forward.

7. Ready to act
Make sure people leave the conversation feeling ready to take action.
That will inevitably happen if they leave the conversation in three ways:

  • They feel inspired by a newfound freedom to express and be who they really are and everyone is okay with that.
  • They feel empowered by new possibilities that they previously didn’t see.
  • They see a clear path to move forward and are now ready to jump into action.

Coaching questions

Is there a big conversation that needs to happen in your organisation/team?

What will happen if it doesn’t take place and things remain the way they are?

How can you lead such conversations and lead your people to greater heights now?

I didn’t say it will be easy. It’ll be worth it. Don’t play safe, take a little risk. Make it happen. Let me know how it goes.

Hwai Tah is the founder of Coaching-Journey.com and a certified professional coach and Professional Certified Coach with ICF (International Coach Federation). To connect with him, email editor@leaderonomics.com. For more How To articles, click here. To engage Leaderonomics for character-wise conversations approach to facilitate courageous communication with your people, email us at info@leaderonomics.com.

Reposted with permission on Leaderonomics.com.

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