When I Learned Winning Wasn't the Goal

Earlier in my career, I was competitive about everything. I didn’t just want to be number one, I felt like I had to be number one in every category. It got so bad that I sometimes caught myself hoping others would mess up: a botched presentation here, a new book that bombed there. Not my proudest chapter.

Then something happened that changed me.

I’d been invited by a wonderful gentleman to a party celebrating the release of his new book. It was a lovely event, full of cool people, energy, ideas, and inspiration. I was there with my lovely wife Heidi, enjoying the event, when a thought hit, Maybe I should ask this fellow to endorse my next book. His name carried tremendous credibility, and it would be a real “get,” as we say in the publishing world.

Maybe my book would hit #1 (remember, I was still in training for the Olympics of competitiveness).

But even then, I hadn’t lost my grip on basic boundaries. I did worry the man might think I was being too forward. We barely knew each other at the time (although this moment ended up becoming the start of a lifelong friendship). Still, I took a deep breath and asked anyway, “Would you be so kind as to write an endorsement for my next book? It would mean a lot to me.”

Not only did the gentleman say yes, but he also immediately offered to write the foreword. And he said it with such joy and generosity that it stopped me in my tracks. I was delighted… and honestly a bit stunned. That would be a lot of work for him, and I wrote books in the same genre as him. Wasn’t I a competitor?

After I composed myself, curiosity bubbled over. I asked him how he could be so giving to someone he barely knew. That’s when he shared a life lesson I have carried with me to this day.

He said, “Chester, there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who compete with everyone, and those who lift everyone. I choose to be the latter, it’s a better way to live.”

And right there at that book launch party, something in me shifted. It turned out to be a defining moment of my life.

On the ride home, I made a vow to stop worrying about being number one in everything and instead focus on being someone who lifts up others around me.

Do I always succeed? Heavens no. I’m still competitive by nature. But I’m better. Now, I can genuinely feel happy for other people’s success. And when someone asks me for a book blurb, I say yes.

It was a lesson that changed me, and it has made all the difference.

So, here’s today’s question. How might you tame your inner competitive spirit to make room to lift up the people around you at work, at home, and at play? It might be as simple as giving someone a little time, a kind word, or a moment of encouragement.

Are you in?

This article was firstly published on Chester Elton's LinkedIn.

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