STAGE 4 — REVIEW:
Pop a bowl of popcorn and sit back as your life flashes before your eyes — not the whole life, just the scenes of your movie that would be chosen for a montage on your blind spot.
Spotlight Questions: Where might this behavior have hindered me in the past? Do I owe anyone an apology?
Assignment: Think of three negative interpersonal incidents of the past. See if the behavior in question has played a part.
STAGE 5 — EPIPHANY:
This is the exciting moment when the painful part of the process wanes. With open-mindedness, we now fully accept the feedback given to us and move into action steps to eradicate it.
Spotlight Questions: How would my people skills be enhanced if this one behavior was magically lifted? Who would enjoy/trust/respect me more?
Assignment: Tell at least one person what you are up to. Growth that isn’t shared stays small. This is a great time for coaching.
STAGE 6 — MINDFULNESS:
We now become a watcher of our own play. Distanced from the character that is us, we can observe seconds after the fact when slips occur. They are frequent and forgivable. For many people and for core behavior patterns, this is the end of the process and becomes a point of arrival.
Spotlight Questions: Where is this behavior still popping up? Can I accept a perfectly imperfect track record from here forward?
Assignment: ABC week. The acronym is for Antecedent: Behavior: Consequence, but the process begins with “B.” As you learn more, see if you can catch your “B” behavior, the “C” consequence, and then loop back to identify the “A” antecedent. Do you falter when stressed, tired, or intimidated? Use the awareness to anticipate triggering events.
STAGE 7 — NOSTALGIA:
The last stage is not always reached. For the lucky and hardworking, there is an element of grace that joins the process here. The remaining shadow of the offending behavior simply slips away.
Spotlight Questions: Am I patient with others who are earlier in the stages? What’s my next blind spot?
Assignment: Arrange 360 evaluations for your whole department. Both the misery and the elation of your recent experience deserve some company.
This article was also published on Juliet Funt's LinkedIn.
This article is also available in Chinese.