Loneliness: Friend or Foe?

Being alone is often seen as a negative experience because it forces us to face life on our own. Moving abroad for studies or work, or being far from loved ones, can stir a quiet, bitter feeling that’s hard to put into words.

Yet, this state of isolation is a phase we all encounter at different stages of life. While it can be painful, it also teaches us valuable lessons: how to be independent, how to make peace with ourselves, and how to notice the aspects of life we often overlook when we’re focused on others.

Some of us may have entered university or a new chapter of life with ease, quickly finding friends and a sense of belonging. Others had to navigate those early days alone, learning how to stand on their own in unfamiliar surroundings.

As we move into adulthood, we meet new people who may become close friends. Still, the feeling of being alone doesn’t always vanish. Even amidst a crowd, moments of solitude can emerge unexpectedly.

Over time, we grow more accustomed to being alone, and it becomes a natural part of our journey toward maturity. Eventually, we learn whether to fear its silence or to find comfort in its presence.

The Heavy Silence

Being alone becomes a burden when we feel cut off from genuine connection, regardless of our physical location. Whether we are far from loved ones, or surrounded by people who do not truly see us, the result is the same.

In this state, a person can easily feel empty, isolated, and lost.

Even in a world buzzing with messages and likes, many still feel unseen. Surrounded, yet somehow alone.

Loneliness, if left to persist, can lead to emotional distress, stress, and even depression. It doesn’t only affect mental health but also physical well-being, manifesting as burnout, sleep disturbances, and lack of motivation in daily life.

Finding Peace in Solitude

However, the experience of being alone is not exclusively painful. More than an absence of others, it can be a true presence of ourselves. This vital space provides an opportunity for us to:

• Rest from the hustle and bustle of the world,
• Listen to the voice within,
• Get to know ourselves more deeply.

Simple activities like walking alone, reading a book, writing in a journal, or silently enjoying a cup of coffee can be a calming form of solitude. In moments like these, we learn to appreciate our own presence.

As mentioned in the book Kenapa Hidup Makin Sunyi? (Why Is Life Getting Lonelier?):

Befriend loneliness so that you can find its good side. Befriend it so that it becomes a companion, not a torment.

How to Turn Loneliness into a Friend

1. Nurture quality relationships, not just quantity

Not everyone in our lives truly understands us. Having many acquaintances does not guarantee freedom from loneliness. Sometimes, one or two authentic relationships mean far more than a hundred connections that disappear when life gets difficult. Make time to build deep and trusting relationships—share stories with family members, contact old friends, or spend time with those who make you feel accepted and supported.

2. Make time for yourself without feeling guilty

It’s in these unhurried moments that we meet ourselves again. Set aside a little time each day or week to do activities that bring you joy. These small moments help us listen to our inner thoughts, understand what we truly need, and regain strength after the demands of daily life.

3. Use solitude for reflection and planning the future

Instead of allowing yourself to drown in sadness, use the space to reflect on your life journey and plan the next steps. Writing a journal is a good way to:

• Manage emotions,
• Understand feelings,
• Gain clarity about what we want in life.

This way, being alone is no longer an emptiness but a space for self-growth.

4. Fill your days with what matters

When we consistently engage in activities that bring purpose and presence, loneliness gradually loses its hold. Over time, these moments become a rhythm that grounds us, reconnects us to life, and reminds us of what truly matters.

Loneliness then shifts into a gentle companion, showing us that life is full of steady progress and quiet fulfillment.

5. Practice gratitude

Gratitude changes what we have into enough.

When loneliness takes hold, the mind can easily focus on life’s gaps and disappointments. Left unchecked, we begin to notice only life’s shortcomings and sorrows. Pause to notice the little things you can be grateful for—perhaps a comforting cup of coffee that begins your day. These small actions can change the way we see life and make ourselves more grounded.

Making Peace with Loneliness

Loneliness need not be our foe. It can be a quiet teacher, showing us who we are, revealing the depth of our emotions, and helping us see the subtle beauty of life. Ultimately, the choice is ours—whether to let it weigh us down or to let it guide us toward growth and inner strength.

Embraced with an open heart, loneliness becomes a loyal companion, a quiet presence that reminds us that the richest company we can have is our own.

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