Between the Lines: How Words and Silence Shape Your Influence

In a world saturated with soundbites, pings, and always-on communication, it’s easy to assume that the more you talk, the more influence you will have.

Yet in leadership, impact isn’t measured by how much you say. It lies in the meaning behind your words, the timing of their delivery, and the discipline to know when not to speak at all.

Words Reflect Culture and Shape It

Language is never neutral. It evolves with society, carrying shifts in cultural values, power dynamics, and social expectations. What was once colloquial or clever can, over time, become problematic or passé.

As Jane Sullivan recently explored in The Age, expressions like “dog act” are not just unfair to dogs. In fact, phrases that may once have felt harmless now risk sounding offensive or outdated. Her piece serves as a reminder that language isn’t just about words. It’s about what those words represent in changing social contexts.

Sometimes we use phrases without knowing their origins. We pick up a phrase and use it often without understanding its historical context or challenging whether it is still fit for purpose. For example, “carrying the can” and “red tape“. While the former has murky military roots, the latter dates back to 16th-century administrative practices. Both are still used to describe modern-day responsibility and bureaucracy.

Reuben Cohn-Gordon, writing for Aeon, pushes this idea further. He describes languages as “cathedrals of conventions”, suggesting that each word carries layers of meaning beyond its literal use. Take the word “water”. Its pronunciation and usage may link someone to a region, class or culture. The word does more than describe a substance; it signals identity and belonging.

These shifts are more than linguistic curiosities. They matter. Because as language changes, so does what is considered respectful, persuasive, and influential in a professional context.

Your Mental Dictionary Is Uniquely Yours

Another layer to consider in this challenge is that we can store and process language differently.

As researcher Nichol Castro explains in The Conversation, we each hold a “mental dictionary”, a personalised web of associations built through experience, culture, and emotion. As a result, no two people will interpret a word or phrase in precisely the same way.

That’s why what you intend to say may not be what someone else hears.

For leaders, this is crucial. You may think you’re being clear, but your message may not land as expected.

The ability to adjust your language consciously and compassionately is a core leadership skill. You want to calibrate your language to meet your audience where they are at, which requires deliberate care, attention, and connection.

You Don’t Need to Say More to Mean More

The English language contains over 12,000 commonly used words, with most day-to-day communication relying on a much smaller subset. Interestingly, linguists suggest that you only need around 4,000 English words to communicate effectively.

That data point is an excellent reminder that it’s not about how much you say, but how deliberately you choose the words you use.

This choice becomes even more apparent in workplace interactions.

A study published in Organisational Behaviour and Human Decision Processes found that when people talked about work-related achievements, they were perceived as less supportive and less engaging. Conversations that touched on personal or emotional topics were more likely to result in ongoing connections.

This research, led by Professor Sean Martin, offers a caution for leaders. If you focus only on tasks, you risk weakening relationships: emotional tone and personalisation matter.

The implication is clear: in leadership, it is not just what you talk about, but how you make people feel when you do.

The Power and Pitfalls of Silence

While words matter, so too does tempo and silence.

Silence plays a decisive role in how the message is conveyed, and consequently, your level of impact.

In high-stakes meetings or challenging conversations, silence can feel uncomfortable. Many people rush to fill it. But when used with skill, silence becomes a strategic tool. It allows space for reflection. It gives weight to what has just been said. It allows time for others to speak.

Lao Tzu famously said, “Silence is a source of great strength.”

Leaders who understand this do not fear a pause. They know when to speak and when to wait. In negotiation, silence can draw out more information and create constructive tension. In conversation, it can signal attentiveness, calm, and confidence.

But silence is not always helpful. It becomes harmful when it is used to withdraw or punish. The “silent treatment” may seem passive, but it erodes trust and blocks communication.

Even more damaging is imposed silence, when people feel unable to speak up out of fear, exclusion, or futility.

When silence becomes avoidance rather than intention, it costs relationships, innovation, and psychological safety

Shape Self-Talk Wisely

Most of us engage in forms of self-talk; you know that inner auditory voice where we talk to ourselves. The words we use affect our stress levels, focus, and confidence.

The same applies externally.

Leaders shape the tone and tenor of a team’s self-talk through their choice of language, their willingness to listen, and their comfort with silence.

So, as you think about how you lead and influence, remember leadership is not about having the loudest voice in the room. It’s not about speaking more, but about speaking better. It is about talking with clarity, empathy, and intent, and listening with equal consideration to the words you use.

Success requires you to be conscious of your tone, context, and timing of what you say, and equally mindful of when to stop talking and let the silence do the work. It requires acceptance that, at times, silence is not the absence of leadership, but a deeper expression of it.

Reflect on this:

Are your words aligned with the culture you want to create?
Do your conversations build connection, or merely transfer information?
Are you often the first and last to speak in a meeting or conversation?
Are you using silence to hold space, or to avoid something uncomfortable?
Do you consciously create space for others to have their voice and perspectives heard?

Poet Elizabeth Jennings wrote:
It is the word which we surrender by,
It is the language where we have to live,
For all torn tempers, sulks and brawls at last
Lie down in huge relief as if the world
Paused on its axis

Words matter. So does silence. Use both with care.

Republished with courtesy from michellegibbings.com.

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