The Drama Triangle: How Leaders Can Stop Playing Victim, Villain, or Rescuer at Work

Picture this…

It’s a rainy Tuesday morning, and your leadership team has gathered for what should have been a straightforward strategy session. Within twenty minutes, the conversation has derailed.

One team member is complaining that they are constantly being sidelined (“No one listens to me”), another argues that deadlines are being ignored (“If you’d just deliver on time, we wouldn’t be in this mess”), while a third attempts to soothe the tension (“Let’s not be harsh. Let me fix this”).

Sound familiar?

What’s unfolding is more theatre than strategy, and more dysfunction than function.

Without realising it, the team members have stepped into a well-worn psychological script: the drama triangle.

Instead of addressing the strategic issues, energy becomes consumed by a cycle of blame, defensiveness, and misguided attempts to rescue.

Even if this example feels unfamiliar, you will likely have experienced the drama triangle dynamic play out during your career.

When you fall into the drama triangle, you and your team lose focus, trust erodes, and decision-making slows.

Leaders, in particular, are vulnerable because organisational pressures can unconsciously draw them into unproductive patterns.

Understanding and escaping the drama triangle goes beyond your own well-being and extends to your team and organisation’s performance.

Related: Speak Up Without Blowing Things Up

What is the Drama Triangle?

The drama triangle was first described by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in 1968 as a social model of dysfunctional interaction.

His model outlined three archetypal roles people adopt during conflict, stress and dysfunctional relationships.

They include the:

• Victim – who feels powerless, oppressed, or unfairly treated. Their stance is “poor me,” and they tend to seek rescuers or blame persecutors rather than take responsibility for change or their part in the issue.
• Villain/Persecutor – who criticises, blames, or controls others. They project authority but often operate from insecurity or frustration.
• Rescuer – who steps in to help or “save” others, often unasked. While appearing supportive, rescuers reinforce dependency and avoid addressing their own issues.

Each role perpetuates the cycle.

Victims attract rescuers, villains fuel defensiveness, and rescuers keep victims dependent while protecting villains from accountability.

But the roles are fluid. Someone starting as a rescuer may later feel unappreciated and flip into victimhood, or a victim may lash out and become the villain.

Why Do We Fall Into the Triangle?

The pull of the drama triangle is strong because it taps into fundamental psychological and social needs.

Firstly, humans are wired for survival through group dynamics.

Roles of dominance (villain), submission (victim), and affiliation (rescuer) echo ancient survival strategies. In workplaces, these instincts reappear under stress, conflict or when politics are high.

Secondly, the triangle allows individuals to protect their self-image.

Research on self-serving bias shows people habitually interpret events in ways that protect their self-esteem. Clinical Psychologist Amy Mezulis and colleagues found self-serving bias to be both pervasive and adaptive for maintaining self-image, with people attributing success to themselves and failure to external factors.

Playing victim avoids responsibility, rescuing provides self-worth through helping, and villainy offers a sense of control.

Each role reinforces patterns that buffer ego and self-esteem.

Lastly, environments that reward firefighting over prevention, or scapegoating over accountability, amplify these dynamics.

Drama is Costly

These relationship dynamics are costly and damaging on multiple levels.

Energy that could be channelled into problem-solving is instead diverted into role-playing, leading to decision paralysis and delayed outcomes.

Over time, trust erodes as colleagues and team members begin to view each other less as collaborators and more as adversaries or enablers, which undermines teamwork, collaboration and cohesion.

The emotional toll is equally damaging: rescuers often overextend themselves, victims feel increasingly helpless, and villains experience ongoing frustration.

Research from the Kellogg School of Management underscores how fragile workplace relationships can be, noting that when trust is compromised, people disengage and collaboration quickly deteriorates. It also affects your individual and group performance.

Left unchecked, these dynamics contribute to disengagement and ultimately talent drain, as high performers seek healthier environments where collaboration and accountability thrive.

In essence, when leaders and teams stay trapped in the triangle, their progress stalls and team culture steadily deteriorates.

Related: How Words and Silence Shape Your Influence

Escaping the Drama Triangle

The antidote to the drama triangle lies in conscious awareness and deliberate behavioural shifts.

One of the most widely recognised alternatives is the Empowerment Triangle developed by David Emerald in 2007.

His framework reimagines the three dysfunctional roles as constructive counterparts: the victim becomes a creator who takes ownership and focuses on choices; the persecutor shifts to a challenger who provokes growth through constructive critique; and the rescuer transforms into a coach who supports others without creating dependency.

By moving from drama to empowerment, leaders and teams can replace cycles of blame with cycles of accountability, learning, and growth.

The challenge is to translate this model into everyday practice.

1. Recognise the Roles in Real Time

The first step is awareness.

Challenge yourself in tense and stressful situations and consider:

• Are you taking responsibility, or slipping into victimhood?
• Are you criticising to control, or challenging to improve?
• Are you rescuing because it’s needed, or because it’s easier than addressing your own discomfort?

2. Build Psychological Safety

Professor Amy Edmondson’s work (which I have written about before) demonstrates that teams with psychological safety are more willing to share mistakes and challenge each other productively.

When you foster safety by modelling vulnerability, acknowledging your missteps, and inviting dissent, you reduce the need for villains to dominate, victims to stay silent, and rescuers to protect.

Learn how to lead with intention, respect, and belief in others:

3. Shift Language and Framing

Research on linguistic framing shows that subtle shifts in word choice shape perception and behaviour.

The language you use can reinforce the roles you (and those around you) adopt.

For example, victims can use absolutes (“I can’t”), villains can use blame (“You never”), and rescuers can use obligation (“I must”).

You can help to reframe the situation and behavioural choice by encouraging choice language (“What options do we have?”) and asking solution-focused questions (“What’s one step forward?”). You can also normalise shared accountability (“What part of this do we each own?”).

4. Strengthen Emotional Regulation

The drama triangle thrives on reactivity.

You can counter and reduce the reactivity by practising mindfulness. Mindfulness practices improve emotional regulation and, in turn, can help to minimise conflict escalation.

Simple practices, such as pausing before responding, noticing triggers, and deep breathing, can create space for more deliberate choices.

5. Redesign Systems to Reduce Drama

Individual awareness must be reinforced by structural levers.

Clear decision rights help reduce blame-shifting, while transparent performance metrics limit the tendency to scapegoat.

Equally important is fostering a coaching culture, where support is developmental rather than rescuing.

When systems are well designed, they minimise ambiguity and prevent conflict from spiralling.
You set the tone for how your teams interact.

Related: How to Diagnose and Eliminate Hidden Work Friction

6. Model and Reward Empowering Alternatives

By modelling constructive behaviours and recognising those who take ownership, challenge respectfully, or coach peers, you reinforce healthier dynamics and signal what is valued.

Importantly, valid recognition not only motivates the members in your team but also establishes team norms that reduce the likelihood of falling back into drama.

To put this into practice, it can help to draw on research and experience to guide your everyday actions. Here is a handy checklist, which offers practical ways to stay out of the triangle and foster empowerment.

• Pause and Name It – When tensions rise, identify the role you might be playing. Awareness disrupts the script.
• Ask Instead of Assume – Replace rescuing with questions: “What support would be most useful to you?”
• Challenge with Curiosity – Instead of criticising, say: “Help me understand your reasoning.”
• Encourage Responsibility – Invite victims to identify one actionable step they can take.
• Bound Your Help – Offer support without over-functioning. If you’re rescuing, step back and let others take accountability.
• Reframe Conflict as Data – Treat disagreements as signals about processes or perspectives, not as personal attacks.
• Invest in Team Norms – Set explicit expectations around constructive challenge and shared ownership.

From Drama to Development

When you understand and disrupt the drama triangle, you liberate yourself and your team from unproductive cycles.

Instead of victims, villains, and rescuers, you cultivate creators, challengers, and coaches. These are the roles that build trust, accelerate progress, and foster resilience.

As workplaces grow more complex, the temptation to fall into old scripts will persist. But with awareness, deliberate practice, and structural support, you can transform unhealthy drama into growth, development and progress.

Republished with courtesy from michellegibbings.com.

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