How To Be Assertive, Without Being Pushy

Nov 24, 2017 1 Min Read
Alt

By DAN ROCKWELL

Pushy people want what they want, regardless of how you feel. You have a “pushy radar “that tells you to resist, protect, hold back, or attack.

You put up with pushy people because you’re afraid not to. Pushy leaders walk on others to get things done. They won’t take no for an answer. On the other hand, leadership demands assertiveness.

Pushy is:

  • Annoying.
  • Selfish.
  • Rude.
  • Controlling.

Ever feel like your boss just might have your head?

Successful leaders aggressively push agendas forward. They expect excellence and results. If you can’t push yourself and others toward a goal, you can’t lead.

Focus, change, deadlines, collaboration, communication, and integrity, all require assertiveness. But bowling people over doesn’t ignite fires.

Pushy may win the battle but it loses the war. Distinction: Transform pushy into assertive:

  1. Identify shared wins. Pushy becomes encouragement when you help others win.
  2. Listen first. Talking first says you think you’re first.
  3. Open up rather than close down. You don’t mean to be pushy but when you close down, you are.

Impact of assertive versus pushy:

  • Rapport versus friction.
  • Engagement versus resistance.
  • Satisfaction versus resentment.
  • Connection versus disconnection.

Successfully assertive:

Push people and they push back unless they’re pushovers. You may feel great when you get your own way. But a team of pushovers isn’t going to go very far.

Assertive includes awareness, compassion, along with drive. But, pushy focuses on objectives and treats people like objects.

Stop pushing – Ignite fires

  • Give people a chance to rise up by not pushing.
  • Identify and push for shared wins.
  • Clarify the path forward.
  • Establish deadlines.
  • Step back. (The hardest part)
  • Remain interested.
  • Expect excellence.
  • Stay available.
  • Honour progress.
  • Reward achievement.
  • Build on successes.

Warning: The ground between releasing people and achieving excellence is rocky. People fall short.

If you can’t tolerate falling down, then pushy is your only option. The key to successful assertiveness is aligning personal and organisational interests.
LDR-PDF-download-110x110

Dan Rockwell is a coach, speaker and is freakishly interested in leadership. He is an author of a world-renowned leadership blog, Leadership Freak. To get in touch with Dan, write to us at editor@leaderonomics.com

Reposted with permission

Share This

Leadership

Alt

This article is published by the editors of Leaderonomics.com with the consent of the guest author. 

You May Also Like

Alt

Mastering the Art of Digital Marketing: Strategies for Success

Digital marketing has evolved into a cornerstone of modern business success, reshaping how brands interact with their target audiences. From small startups to global corporations, mastering effective strategies can be the difference between growth and stagnation. To thrive in this competitive landscape, businesses need a comprehensive approach that integrates multiple channels and focuses on delivering value to customers.

Jan 22, 2025 5 Min Read

Be a Leader Ep 2

Be a Leader: It Pays To Have Fun at Work

In this Be a Leader video, Roshan and the Leaderonomics team, share how levity and fun in the workplace can make a significant difference. Watch them share the story of how the founder of Southwest Airlines, Herb Kelleher, used Levity to drive productivity, engagement and growth in his organisation and how you can do it in your organisation too

Apr 29, 2021 3 Min Video

Be a Leader's Digest Reader