'Moving On' is Bad Advice!

By Joseph Tan|09-11-2020 | 2 Min Read
To ignore someone's emotions is a display of relational arrogance.

When bad stuff happens, the common advice is 'just move on!' – life is too short to be reminiscing on the past. This advice works on a pragmatic level but from an emotional perspective, it fails miserably!

Eventually one does need to 'move on' but if this is done hastily without processing the present emotional inertia, certain relational stresses will surely come your way and in the long run, it would slow down your 'moving on' process. When you are too quick to side-step the emotions of another person in the name of 'moving on', there will be underlying unresolved feelings which will eventually surface at the most inconvenient moments.

Here are three possible emotional landmines that may be indicative that you have 'moved on' too quickly, too hastily. 

1. Triggered Anger

Have you found yourself getting angry by certain 'trigger' situations? It could be certain words, associations or scenarios that strike you with such an immediate impact that you are left wondering – "How did I ever lose my sense of self-control and composure?"

Unresolved emotional inertia in the past have a way of creeping its way into the present if it is not addressed intentionally and properly. 

2. Unexplained Depression

Do you have moments when you feel down and listless and you don't even know why? Depression does not come with a label explaining the ingredients and clarifying the root causes – in fact, it comes with feelings of emotional ambiguity.

Often, the depressive episodes come as the 'harvest' of unresolved emotional seeds sown in the past. If we quickly 'move on' whenever bad stuff happens, some of these seeds grow into weeds because we have not spend time to root out these entanglements in the name of quickly moving on. 

3. Unwillingness to Forgive

The willingness to authentically forgive is the mark of an emotionally-free person. Conversely, the unwillingness to forgive is the sign of a emotionally-imprisoned person.

If you live an unexamined life, without being aware of the accumulated hurts in your system (as a result of quickly 'moving on' without proper emotional processing), then don't be surprised if your heart is hardened towards others and forgiveness is difficult.

The result is bitterness.

There are four steps that you can take to prevent the outbreak anger, depression or unforgiveness stated above. Check out this week's video to discover the need to first 'go slow' before you start to 'move on'.

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Joseph is a Leaderonomics faculty trainer who is passionate about engaging with leaders to transform culture in organisations. Previously, he was CEO of Leaderonomics Good Monday. He is currently based in the United States
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