Become a Leader Who Sets Your Limits

Clare was a high-performing project manager at a marketing firm. Known for being helpful and always saying "yes", she often found herself working late, picking up extra tasks and answering emails on weekends. Over time, Clare felt drained and irritable. Her work-life balance had disappeared. So had her enthusiasm.

One Monday morning, after yet another weekend lost to last-minute revisions from a colleague, Clare had had enough. She decided it was time for change. What she needed was not more motivation, but better boundaries.  To become a "leader with limits".
More and more participants in my leadership and communication programmes are asking how to take charge of their own boundaries. Drawing on workplace psychology and years of working with professionals across industries, I’ve identified four key principles: set your objectives, clarify your priorities, practise saying “no” appropriately, and respect others’ boundaries.

1) Outline and clarify your priorities and limits

Effective boundary-setting begins with self-awareness. Without clarity on what matters most, it’s difficult to draw meaningful lines for ourselves.

Professionals can benefit from conducting a "boundary audit” by asking:

• What do I value most at work and in life?
• What drains my energy or causes recurring frustration?
• What behaviours or expectations no longer serve me well?
• What are the implications for myself, and for other people I care about, by not setting boundaries?

Then,  spell out your non-negotiables (hard boundaries) and flexible areas (soft boundaries). 

For instance, hard boundaries might include not answering emails after 6pm, or not accepting tasks unrelated to one’s role. They could also include not accepting a new project without stopping another of similar size.

Soft boundaries could include assisting with urgent tasks occasionally, provided there is time and alignment.

Context matters. Sometimes diverse situations will have different boundaries by necessity.  It is about setting and understanding expectations. For example, a rapidly expanding start-up is a very different situation compared to an established organisation. You have to do your homework on likely expectations and norms – and make conscious decisions about how context will affect your boundary setting.

Understanding others' boundaries is equally important. Leaders and colleagues alike benefit when priorities and limits are shared openly.

2) Communicate boundaries clearly and consistently

Boundaries cannot function without clear communication. Expecting colleagues or loved ones to intuit your needs leads to misunderstanding.

Instead, articulate your boundaries:

• Be proactive: State your needs early, not when you feel overwhelmed.
• Use direct but respectful language: "I won’t be able to respond to emails after 6pm, but I’ll follow up first thing in the morning."
• Explain when genuine emergencies can change your view of the boundaries.
• Be consistent: Enforcing boundaries builds credibility and sets expectations.
• Ask other people about their boundaries so this becomes a mutual understanding.

For example, I knew a person who went into a new team lead role, where she told her colleagues during their first meeting: “I block out 8-10am for focused work. After that, I’m fully available for check-ins and collaboration. If something urgent comes up, just flag it clearly.” This small act of proactive communication helped set expectations, reduced interruptions, and encouraged others to define their own work rhythms too.

Communication should be a regular part of the work rhythm. Transparency and constructive conversation reduce conflict and support alignment.

3) Practise saying "no" appropriately

"No" is a complete sentence, and a necessary one. As Steve Jobs once said, “Focusing is about saying no”. Many professionals find themselves overcommitted not because of workload but because of the inability to say no.

Declining with grace takes practice:

• Start small by saying no to minor requests to build confidence.
• Be firm but polite and explain your current load. This could look something like: "I can’t take that on right now. Let’s revisit it next week."
• Offer alternatives when possible, such as redirecting requests or suggesting another resource.

One possible way to push back, especially when a manager presents an unrealistic demand, is to redirect the conversation towards prioritisation. For example: “I see this is a top priority and I can take it on. Which of my current tasks would you suggest I pause or drop to make room for this?” 

This kind of response doesn’t reject the request outright, but it subtly prompts the leader to reconsider their expectations. It shifts the onus back to them and indirectly reinforces your boundaries without conflict.

Each time you say no to a misaligned ask, you say yes to focus, quality and balance.

4) Role model by respecting other people’s boundaries and living your limits

Boundary-setting is mutual. By respecting others' limits, you reinforce a culture where boundaries are encouraged and appreciated.

Demonstrate this by:

• Asking before making requests that could intrude on others' time.
• Accepting a "no" without pressure or guilt.
• Honouring your own boundaries without apology.

Leaders, especially, set the tone. Role-modelling sustainable work habits signals to teams that protecting well-being is more than just acceptable. It’s expected. 

Related: Share Your Concerns: Speak Up Without Blowing Things Up

Supporting practices for better boundaries

Boundary success doesn’t come from principles alone. It requires consistent, intentional habits that support your ability to uphold them, especially under pressure. Here are some expanded strategies to reinforce your boundary-setting practice:

Reassess regularly

As roles, responsibilities or personal circumstances change, boundaries may need to shift too. Set aside time monthly or quarterly to reflect upon what is and isn’t working, and where adjustments are needed.

Take time off

Prioritise rest and “me-time” as non-negotiable. Micro-breaks during the day, digital detox weekends, and scheduled vacations help you reset and return with greater focus and resilience.

Delegate thoughtfully

Don’t think of delegation as dropping work. It’s really about aligning tasks with the right skills. Empower team members by trusting them with responsibilities that fit their strengths, freeing yourself to concentrate on what matters most. This seeks the highest "return on your time", as well as for those who work for you.

Build strong relationships

Trust and psychological safety make conversations about boundaries smoother. Invest time in relationships by listening actively, showing appreciation and honouring others’ limits as much as your own.

Plan for boundary breaches

Not all boundaries will be respected immediately. Prepare respectful responses in advance. For example: “I understand this is urgent, but I’m currently focused on [priority task]. Let’s schedule a time to revisit.”

Use visual or verbal reminders

Subtle signals, like a “focus time” block on your calendar or a do-not-disturb indicator, can reinforce your limits without needing to restate them constantly.

Practise self-compassion

You won’t get it perfect every time. Boundary-setting is a skill, not a one-time fix. Forgive yourself when you slip up and recommit without guilt.

Anchor boundaries in purpose

Remind yourself why you set each boundary. Linking boundaries to bigger goals (like health, focus or relationships) helps you stay committed when it’s tempting to cave.

Celebrate when boundaries work

Recognise and affirm your progress. When you successfully uphold a boundary, take note. Reflecting on these wins strengthens your confidence and clarity moving forward.

The path to better boundaries begins with a decision: to prioritise what matters, to speak up clearly and to lead by example. Like Clare, anyone can make that choice. As the old adage goes, "good fences make good neighbours". Wonderful gardens can grow on either side of the fence.

Step into the room where Asia’s future leaders connect. Register for ELC 2025 today.